I wish... to be like a kid again. Can I?

for some people, movies like Rising of the Guardian would be some sort of a joke.

what's all these Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Sandman, or even Jack Frost jokers are trying to do? they're just KIDDIES' stories. they ain't real.

answer to that? lies on which you stand on.

your own to settle.

instead of talking about the characters themselves, why don't we talk about something else more important like the VALUE of it?

the thing is, this movies itself teaches me of the importance of 

IMAGINATIONS,

DREAMS,

VISIONS,

MIRACLES,

HOPE.

When people or even LIFE itself tells you that all these are bullshit, trust me, those people who said it are the ones that has issues, not you.

People's perception about all these is that, "you go to school, you graduate, and then you go for work to earn a living, and then you might be having your own family, and then you retire from your work, and then that's the time you'll have grand kids, then you get old enough and then, you fill in the last blank." which is NOT WRONG.

although it's NOT WRONG, but it's definitely NOT RIGHT either.

what I'm trying to say is, life doesn't have to be FIXED in these ways.

everyone has imaginations, everyone has dreams to achieve, everyone has visions that they see, everyone has witnessed miracles before in their lives or through the lives of others, and most importantly, everyone has hope, towards someone or something.

just because that reality is cruel, I've been stupid enough to let life or even the society to shape my thinking towards these things.

true enough, there are times, where reality is our teacher.

so don't let life, people, or even the rules tells you that you can't do it, you won't be able to make it, or you're not gonna be there, things like that.

lastly, all of these are NOTHING WITHOUT LOVE.

let all of these, be done in Love.

Lord, please restore it for me. every single broken pieces of it. I want You and I need You.

Starting from Page 0.

This is totally a meaningful song.

It goes straight to the heart when I first listened to it.

Believe it or not, it made me think deep inside for what I've been through for this 1 year. Dang!

Okay, gotta put down that "PRIDE" of yours in your heart.

Honestly, now is the time I'd be true to myself.

YES,

I was scared, I was unprepared.

The thing is,

sometimes,

there's no time for us to even sit down and think straight

when we're going through miles and miles of serious decisions to do.

In the process, being strong is not even an option for us to choose

when being strong is just the only option we have.

I wanna make a change.

But I guess I'm not that strong to do so.

Expect everyone to understand your feelings?

Nah, everyone had enough of their own problems to deal with.

But sometimes, understanding people do helps us a lot

even if it's only by listening to what others might pour out.

So, to you, you, you, and you out there, 

bear in mind, you're deeply appreciated. :)

Empty

first time ever,

I'm feeling so weak,

feeling so useless.

Demotivated.

Somehow, the things I love to do the most, becomes the things that I do not have the energy doing on.

what's going on?

WHAT WENT WRONG?

something must have went wrong somewhere.

too many things happened in this few months.

everything was so quick in pace.

sometimes can't even give myself some time to catch a breath, or to think.

just graduated from my diploma not long ago.

and also, went to Taiwan to participate in the well-known The Million Star singing competition.

and yeah, I've lost.

personal feelings after the competition?

well, made me think of why I get to joined that competition in the first place.

my own opinion? everything's too fast for me.

I might not be ready for it yet.

I mean, "ME" instead of my singing "me".

but, I don't wanna regret on didn't try going through these kind of stuff.

cause chances doesn't come twice.

when there is one, grab it!

and competitions like these makes me know that, nothing comes easy.

outwardly, it seems to be only a singing competition.

but while competing in it, it's NOT JUST a singing competition.

it's living under a cruel reality.

the socialization between contestants, the organizer, the public, your friends and family, or anyone else.

sometimes you just can't do the things you want or sing the ones you love to.

which makes a lotta things are restricted indirectly/directly.

first I thought that,

things can go real smooth as planned or as expected.

but somehow, things turned another way round.

felt unexpected, for real.

you ask me if I feel down/sad? yes.

but WHAT CAN I DO?

not that everyone can help me do something about it.

you know what?

I should let myself disappear once in a while.

so that I would not be someone else's problem.

just to let you know,

I may be a 慢半拍 type of person, but I'm trying to do better!

come on! is that all you got?!

Dear Mr. D,

                You're just trying to be mean to me, giving me all this shit, trying to give me loads of hard time eh? Just because I got favor from God and men, you're trying to stand in my way and break me into pieces? Yeah, I almost fell for it, but I'm sorry to let you know this. All of this bad things that you threw to me just tend to make me stronger and stronger. Each and every attempt that you made to break me apart, are just making the desire deep inside me grow towards God more and more every time. I know that God is always backing me up in my hard times. Not only that, the desire of my dream to make my own mark on the sky gets even stronger now. So thank you, for making it much more possible for me in times of impossibilities. It only shows how possible it is for me to really achieve it. You want a revelation for that? Impossible = Im possible, cause with God, everything is possible. I know all your schemes and dirty works. My advice to you is, stop wasting your time doing what you're doing now. Not only to me, but to all the people's lives that you're trying to destroy. I do not need to justify any single thing to you since I'm not saying all of this out of pride. You're seeing a history maker over here and I'll make sure that you got served and take your sorry butt back to the pits of hell.

                                                                                                                                            From: Me

等着瞧吧！

一開始他不聽你，

然後他取笑你，

然後他抗拒你，

結果。。你贏。

roller-coaster ride

up and down and up and down and up and down~

redo IR individual presentation outline, last minute paperwork.

last minute this, last minute that.

why is everything soooooo last minute in production field?

end up what have planned didn't go as expected.

end up, my own plan seem to fail.

*sigh*

not that I didn't plan my time for it.

I did.

but, others won't understand, no matter how much words are said.

no one.

many things are going on lately.

internal struggle.

damn you, devil!

yeah, I'm sure you'll be laughing now.

but let me tell you, I won't give in! and I won't give up!

watch how I'll get through this, for the Lord is with me!

by then, I'll see who has the last laugh.

anyways, cut the crap short.

helping a friend of mine on making a song.

thinking of a melody of it.

Lord, I need Your infinite wisdom and heavenly melody to flow in me.

let it flow in my thoughts and in my heart so that I may be able to create a melody that uplift people's lives.

let this be an opportunity, that came from You.

陈升说，

“我不再让你孤单，我的风箱你的单纯。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。

我不再让你孤单，我的疯狂你的天真。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。”

how I wish.

how I wish, if I could just choose to be selfish.
how I wish, if I could just don't care.
how I wish, if I could just don't even consider about it.
let them pick up their own craps that they left down in their works.
yeah, every lecturers/tutors wants us to work as a team.
but what if there's a parasite in the team?

1. they don't do their part.
2. they did their part but they didn't put any effort in it.
3. finally other people need to pick up their crap that they've done.

I just keep reminding myself.
"don't keep dwelling on the problem/situation. focus on finding the solution to that problem."
what do we end up getting every time during our submission?
results= CRAP!
it's not the person who didn't do their part was the one who get scold,
it's the whole group instead.
after that, for those who didn't do their part won't even realize what adjustments they needed to do.
even if others advised them, they won't give a damn about it.

how are we gonna reach a "good teamwork" level then?
will the lecturers/tutors understand?
no, they just have "result" in mind since every one of them are so "results-orientated".
if we tell them of our problems,
what they'll answer: "that's your problem, you solve it out by yourself among your group."
will they care? think again.

I did more than what I'm capable of, and I end up getting all these craps by myself.
all the sacrifices I made for the contribution of our teamwork ends up getting nothing.

1 month left.
approximately 1 month left, for the 2nd trip there.
the epic thing is, I didn't make any preparations for it.
thanks to all the bloody shit crap that I need to handle of. yay! great! *sarcasm*
I made myself look like a blood-thirsty zombie just wanna get my life out of this insanity.
I felt so useless and hopeless.
when I put my all, it all doesn't seem to be working.

I just wanna find a space, for me to shout, and cry.