going hardcore.

slept in at around 2am plus in the midnight before the day,

then it goes with classes from 8am-6pm.

where at the same day,

you had your redo-presentation and also your midterm to sit for,

then you go to church to serve for the E2 Expo for Youth Camp.

after that you go back home,

lo and behold,

it is already 11:30pm.

okay, I gotta be honest.

I went through full-time mental-energy breakdown

for the whole day.

I don't even know what I'm doing during my midterm

what more in my redo-presentation in the evening

and another thing about serving at church at night for the Youth Camp,

that's even more of a challenge.

by bringing that break-down mental condition

it's just like going to a battlefield unprepared

you'll be dead anytime

(I gotta say that I look a lot more deadlier for the whole day, literally speaking)

learned quite a lot of things today despite bringing a horrible condition the whole day

even during an 8am class where a revelation just being revealed

just by saying that "law creates fear"
which is actually true

because the thing is

when law creates fear,

grace gives freedom

during serving at Youth Camp this evening,

it's quite the challenge of trying to minister to them by bringing that horrible mental condition

I even had a hard time trying to hold my thoughts together

and communicate with them in the best way possible

but it seems that things work out the opposite way round

told myself to go on,

then ministered to a lot of youth

people don't really get to experience the ecstatic experience right away

but I choose to not give in to the thought of

"ohhhhh, there must be something wrong somewhere"
or
"ohhhhh it must be because you're not focusing and not praying properly that's why they don't get to experience it"
or even
"hah, you're not even doing your job well! see, see, they didn't felt this/that/etc."

I believe that, despite my condition,

God can use the broken language that I spoke to speak deeper to the hearts of the youths.

so please Yao,

don't condemn yourself.

you are totally fine

you just need some rest, that's all :)

still, feel like wanting to go to somewhere wide

somewhere like the beach

and just shout until my lungs come out

I. Need. Remedy.