等着瞧吧！

一開始他不聽你，

然後他取笑你，

然後他抗拒你，

結果。。你贏。

roller-coaster ride

up and down and up and down and up and down~

redo IR individual presentation outline, last minute paperwork.

last minute this, last minute that.

why is everything soooooo last minute in production field?

end up what have planned didn't go as expected.

end up, my own plan seem to fail.

*sigh*

not that I didn't plan my time for it.

I did.

but, others won't understand, no matter how much words are said.

no one.

many things are going on lately.

internal struggle.

damn you, devil!

yeah, I'm sure you'll be laughing now.

but let me tell you, I won't give in! and I won't give up!

watch how I'll get through this, for the Lord is with me!

by then, I'll see who has the last laugh.

anyways, cut the crap short.

helping a friend of mine on making a song.

thinking of a melody of it.

Lord, I need Your infinite wisdom and heavenly melody to flow in me.

let it flow in my thoughts and in my heart so that I may be able to create a melody that uplift people's lives.

let this be an opportunity, that came from You.

陈升说，

“我不再让你孤单，我的风箱你的单纯。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。

我不再让你孤单，我的疯狂你的天真。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。”

how I wish.

how I wish, if I could just choose to be selfish.
how I wish, if I could just don't care.
how I wish, if I could just don't even consider about it.
let them pick up their own craps that they left down in their works.
yeah, every lecturers/tutors wants us to work as a team.
but what if there's a parasite in the team?

1. they don't do their part.
2. they did their part but they didn't put any effort in it.
3. finally other people need to pick up their crap that they've done.

I just keep reminding myself.
"don't keep dwelling on the problem/situation. focus on finding the solution to that problem."
what do we end up getting every time during our submission?
results= CRAP!
it's not the person who didn't do their part was the one who get scold,
it's the whole group instead.
after that, for those who didn't do their part won't even realize what adjustments they needed to do.
even if others advised them, they won't give a damn about it.

how are we gonna reach a "good teamwork" level then?
will the lecturers/tutors understand?
no, they just have "result" in mind since every one of them are so "results-orientated".
if we tell them of our problems,
what they'll answer: "that's your problem, you solve it out by yourself among your group."
will they care? think again.

I did more than what I'm capable of, and I end up getting all these craps by myself.
all the sacrifices I made for the contribution of our teamwork ends up getting nothing.

1 month left.
approximately 1 month left, for the 2nd trip there.
the epic thing is, I didn't make any preparations for it.
thanks to all the bloody shit crap that I need to handle of. yay! great! *sarcasm*
I made myself look like a blood-thirsty zombie just wanna get my life out of this insanity.
I felt so useless and hopeless.
when I put my all, it all doesn't seem to be working.

I just wanna find a space, for me to shout, and cry.

game difficulty mode: extreme.

nobody says it's going to be easy.

nobody says, that competing and studying at the same time's gonna be easy.

you've done it before, right?

but it's just different now.

it's not like the previous ones I've joined before.

more of all, it's not a small one but it's a WORLDWIDE competition.

and I'm stuck in the middle of "studies" and "competition".

"studies" are just givin' me a lotta heartache and headache sometimes.

okay, not just sometimes, but all of the time.

last minute updates, last minute changes, last minute works,

last minute this, last minute that, blah blah blah~

end up I need to change everything into Last Minute Mode.

I gotta keep on "picking up other people's shit stuff" on their works too.

it's not that I didn't manage my time well.

it's just that a lot of times I need to follow other people's time due to what they wish for.

if I don't accommodate myself to their timeline,

by all means I'll get a lot of complaints of my "un-commitment-ness".

this is one of the reason why I dislike GROUPWORKS.

that's why I end up can't proceed with my own progression.

please do me a favor,

don't judge my actions if you do not know the reason behind it.

in times, I get tired, VERY tired.

but do you think that others will care?

别人只会在乎你飞得多高，但从来没有在乎过你飞得有多累.
after what I heard from JC's sharing in this afternoon's class,
it gives me a reminder of what I wanna be, in life.
I'm not aiming just to be a singer.
I'm aiming for more than that.
and I won't give up!