dig deeper.

I've realized,

the more I sing,

the more I'm afraid to open up my heart to sing,

the more I've no courage to express what I want to.

I realized after so long,

that it's a tiring thing singing by using your heart.

you have to dig out everything that you've buried in the grave.

the songs that impacted you the most, make you cry while you're listening to it,

lifts you up when you're down, and much much more.

what I'm talking here may not make sense to any of you,

but any of you who discerns, discerns.

I gotta admit,

I may have what's on the outside.

people might say the same "general" thing to me.
"you sang real well!"
thanks for those of you who says this out of good intentions.

I don't mean to be un-appreciative when this words are spoken to me,

but let's be honest with ourselves.

I'm not really THAT good, right? *saying this out of a learning-heart*

I have weaknesses too!
I have parts of me that I need to develop more and more too!
what I lack, is what's inside.

it's like a robot that has every function working well on the outside, perfecto!
but yet, it has no soul, it has no mind of itself, it has no feelings of itself.
I've been molded by the ways of society on ways to think and ways to do it.

all the while I've been so caught-up on how to do well on the outside,

where at the end of the day,

none of that really matters.

I don't say that doing what's on the outside don't matter at all,

like improving ourselves, proper basic presentable-self etc etc etc.

but I'm saying that what's inside is the most important thing.

well,

in the end,

people are going to remember you on how you impacted their lives in just a few minutes,

people are going to remember you on how you connected your world with them in just an instant,

and get them go listening to your every word, seeing you inside out.

people are waiting for you

to sing into the deepest part of their heart.

that "secret chamber" of their heart

where they sealed it away from anyone, even from themselves for a long long time,

to make them cry,

to take them out of misery,

to make them be joyful again,

or even just to "sit alone at the park" with them, just for the sake of company.

Lord, give me the desire, courage, and grace of using my heart to sing again by what I feel,

where I can use this "weapon" I have to touch people's heart again.

every. single. word. of. it.

到最后，还是独自流浪。

独来独往虽然变成了一个习惯，但还是会很害怕一个人。
当想要跟大队聚在一起的时候，总会觉得有“不希望你在这儿”的感觉。
幻想？
错觉？
胡思乱想？
或许吧。。。

如果说，在这世上，我只需要上帝而不需要任何一个人，就足够了。
那我只不过是在欺骗自己。
我也需要有伴的时候，
我也需要有朋友的时候，
我也需要有亲人的时候，

就像个流浪者，也需要有个能够给他/她心理安慰的地方。

一个拥抱，可以代替言语所形容不出的话。
对啊！同时也蛮可悲的说！
可悲的是当你是个只会鼓励别人的人，
但心里也需要那么一点点的鼓励与支持，
那一个“真实”的拥抱。

这阵子面对很多心理的情绪，
跟原有的经纪公司提出解约的事件了。
之后剩下的只有黑白上的正式解放。
参加了一个中国其中一个知名度很高的比赛，［快乐男声］。
没晋级。
有点小难过。
心里在想，是不是身材肥胖就没得晋级？
还是唱歌时没打动到人？
但我不希望这一切疑问会影响我原有当时在那舞台上唱歌的心态。
久违的舞台，终于有的上台唱歌了。
当时的情绪虽然小紧张，但心情是很快乐的。
宁可开心地上台唱，好过苦苦地下台。
可惜，那机会只有那么的一点点时间而已。
原本还以为可以有更多时间在舞台上唱。
之后电话也没有一通过来，就有心理准备面临比赛残酷的事实。
从朋友身上听到说他晋级了，当时是替他开心的！
也希望之后他能够走的长远点。
至少，在我的那一份上。　＊正安慰自己＊

小情绪，之后会好的。
之后还会再站起来奋斗的。
从不放弃，也从没放弃过。
BELIEVE.

black black night.

5/5/2013- Malaysia's "The Dark Age"?

the moment where people's mouth are silenced with unexpected results,

the moment where people's cries for this nation is getting intense,

the moment where riots are happening everywhere,

the moment...

where all hope seems to be lost,

where darkness takes over the whole atmosphere,

let me tell you this, fellow brethren.

God has put us in this place, in such time like this,

to BE A NATION OF CHANGE.

but let me tell you this,

change doesn't mean that it's an instant thing,

but don't lose hope just because changes didn't happen as what you expected.

moreover, keep that burning spirit within you.

cause you know what?

darkness ain't eternal, it's just the absence of light.

and where there is great darkness, there is greater light.

want a change? BE THE CHANGE.

a special labor day.

it's been 3 years, since we get to know each other from diploma days.

and how we build this friendship together.

although there are times when things heated up

in order to build a firm ground for this friendship,

where there are times we stood on different sides,

or even arguments, disagreements, and misunderstandings take in the way,

but I'm glad that doesn't last too long.

instead, we look towards each other in the heart rather than looking outwardly.

knowing that how the heart of a person towards another matters

more than how they react towards another.

I'm glad to be a part of your life,

and I hope that's a good one.

cause you know what?

you are to me. :)

ever since the first time I saw you crying,

the only thing I felt in heart to express to you is,

"you are not alone"

yeah, the times when you feel that you're alone

no matter is it to "friends" who doesn't really care of you

or the ones who just treated your birthday just simply as "LABOR DAY",

*wipe your tears away*

"hey, you're one of us. I'm here for you."

remember these words?

now you won't be alone anymore.

as for your birthday,

it should be a special "labor day",

not the ordinary one.

Happy Birthday, Vi.

you know I sayang you very much as a Sotsot Family.

much love and much grace for you!

bless you abundantly!

<3