cried in front of a mirror before? I do.

Mirrors are always an honest object.

why so?

it reflects our physical selves, including our true selves.

what I mean by "our true selves" here is the one that is deep inside of us,

that one true form of us.

we can be happy, active and strong on the outside.

even when things doesn't seem to go well one day,

we can still put that big smile on our face and keep on pretending that we're happy

or even putting that mask on and deep inside believe that the next day will be better.

but one who haven't solve that issue of heart REMAINS in the heart.

ever tried CRYING after you look at yourself for a few moments at the mirror? I do.

I may look happy or fine on the outside, but actually I'm not.

I may look active on the outside, but actually I'm not that active.

I may look strong on the outside, but I just came to realize,

that I'm actually weak!

I HATE my fat self! I HATE myself for being weak!

nobody likes someone who is weak.

I just wanna find someone to talk with sometimes, but I don't know how to start and even who to trust with.

I'm shouting in pain deep inside, but I'm just too good in hiding it on the outside.

I. WANT. A. CHANGE.

tougher, stronger, harder challenges to come.

never been updating my blog for a period of time.
there's too many stuff going on for this past 1 month plus.
okay, recall session.

last month, I unexpectedly won a NATIONWIDE singing competition which makes me go OMG.
I didn't know how did I actually did it.
I just know on that moment I seek for something more than the winning.
putting God's Kingdom first and treat Him as the audience of One.
(Matthew 6:33 is A-WE-SOME man!!!!! :D)
an international stage that popular artists step on yet I don't feel the tension whatsoever.
instead, I feel honored and it's my privilege to actually able to make it until this stage in my life.
I can't do it by my own strength and I acknowledged that.
at first, didn't know I got chosen out of the blue from 翻身赛 and end up winning it.
not that I'm bragging or something, instead I'm deep full of thankfulness in me.
thanks for everyone who's been there, or not been there, or wanting to watch it on tv(some people did say so, and I'm like lol.) to support me,
and for people who prayed for me, THANK YOU.
God brings me out of the ashes and rise up again.
thank You, Daddy J! :) <3

after the competition, I'm packed with 6 performance this months.
3 of it is from my church and the other 3 are also BIG ones.
many many songs to memorize and to get ready with.
plus exam's coming REAL SOON and I haven't even started my revision. ><
it's gonna be a fun-filled-adventurous month.
though it's quite a tough month, but I choose to look in the unseen realm and also with a positive mindset.
I can do anything through Christ who strengthen me. :)
YES and AMEN!

Rise up from ashes.

Didn't update for a period of time now.

quite hectic with studies, and now, the competition that I'm in.

It's a lifetime experience where I get to experience God's grace not only in other parts of my life,

but also in my singing career, God cares. :)

I joined this competition with the worst sickness condition I've ever had.

I just go on and sing with that worst condition I have with me on that moment.

Surprisingly I got favors from all of the judges. :)

that goes on for the 2nd audition and then the semi-finals.

there's so many great singers from different places over Malaysia competing in the semi's.

I thought my journey in that competition had ended up in the semi-finals.

never would I know that they're gonna do a Survival Round for the 11th-20th placing.

and the thing is, I'm one of the contestants in their list for the Survival Round.

before this, I was still hesitating whether to go for it or not.

cause there will be tons of busy times with roadshow performances+press conferences+charity events etc.

but when I think it right back,

it's a chance that the Lord gives me.

all I have to do is just to go and grab the chance.

yet, I did that decision to go for it.

despite of all of the technical breakdown in my performance for 3 times,

I wouldn't know that I got chosen to the Grand Finals. OMG!

I've been through a lot of ups and downs in this competition.

trying to look back on what I've been through all the while.

it's been a tough journey, but I manage to rise up from ashes.

"As long as it doesn't kill, it makes you stronger."

Thank You, Lord, for making me a fighter.

anticipating more and more of You, including the Grand Finals itself.

Your name be glorified!

one "G" in the whole big box.

Thank You, Father. 

For everything I've gone through and yet to face in life, 

that You're always with me.

Lead me and guide me in every single aspects of my life.

I want every single second of my walk with You,

the greatest moments of my life.

For You're always the same,

while changing me to never becoming the same again.

You are always faithful even when in times I'm not.

You're always forgiving when I've done wrong.

You're always there to give me a hand when I'm down.

Your love makes me feel whole when I'm empty.

Thank You, 

for entering into my life,

for showing me Your love,

for Your amazing grace and favor,

for this amazing relationship I have with You,

is something that can never be compared to,

and nothing can ever take away this relationship we have.

There is nothing that can ever separate us.

happy birthday, longtimenosee.

yeah, it's been some time.
we never meet each other again after THAT day, nor do we even contact each other.
everything has changed since then.
we're not like what we used to be anymore.
cause it's already the past, something that we wont be able to turn around anymore.
yes, you may see that I may let it go easily because I'm a guy.
and eventually everything will end up becomes the guy's fault.
sad right?
you're not me, of course you wouldn't know.


you wouldn't know, 
when you loved someone so much, how much courage do you have to put into your heart, just to say those few words of cruelty to them.
you wouldn't know,
how much pressure that you have to bare in your heart, when you face not only a group of people who keeps on doing psycho attacks on you.
you wouldn't know,
how is it to cry without tears in your eyes while all you can do is just to see how your love one suffer when all the tears are like rivers deep inside you.
you wouldn't know,
how broken your heart was, when you say something that broke theirs.
you wouldn't know,
sometimes you hold so tight it slips right through your hands.


we gave it all, to watch it fall, like we've never meant at all.
I give and give the best of me, but couldn't give you what you need.
I chose to be the so-called bad guy.
to say those cruel words to you.
not because of my own selfishness.
for sure because I love you.


it's all over now.
though I know that both of you may hate me for life.
I just hope that I can be, the only person you'll realize that came to your picture that's daring to be honest to both of you in your lives.


I hope you and your daughter are doing fine.
thanks to both of you,
who came up in my life,
and build up colors in it,
for all the things that both of you had done for me,
my never-ending appreciations to both of you.
wish you two all the best in life.
I know both of you can do it without me.
I'll do my best too, to live a good life, without both of you.


happy birthday to you, auntie.

happyyetsad.

it's been quite a while since I update some stuff here.

Asia Ablaze was awesome few days back.

I had that sense of urge in my heart that I want to go for it.

yet, it was the best time of all.

every time when I'm exhausted in either way, God has His way of telling me,

"My son, come to Me, come and REST."

"Father, I'm not happy. I never experience true joy before. can you gimme true joy of laughter?"

"draw yourself to Me, as I'll draw Myself to you. come to Me."

and eventually end up I've been laughing and crying at the same time like nobody's business.

It can't be explained through our own logical thinking, it is something more than that.

something, that brings a deep impact right into the roots of your heart.

something, that can't be taken away once it's given to you.

something, that will last a lifetime when it enters your heart.

I'm glad, and thankful, for experiencing the divine laughter that God gives me. PTL! :)

1 smile from deep in the heart, can bring a deep impact to millions out there.

DBC2's Screening Day has also come to an end.

everybody's going to see our first-time production.

though it may not be as good as expected.

but yeah, behind the scenes, are the people that has their sleepless nights, doing their very best to make the production a success.

doing their very best to make every scene has a successful "CUT!"

doing their best to make everything count!

credits to my crew, and I believe everyone had a hard time during the production period.

but still,we should enjoy every single process of it.

to treat each other as a big family of BC students, just like how it used to be.

WE should stand up as 1 big family of BC not to show that we're Being Cocky, but to show to the world that we're Being Capable!

and there goes the screening for today.

feel happy that we've gone through all of this, yet I feel sad at the same time cause everything has come to an end.

I hope that the happiness remains, and yet motivates us to achieve more than what we got.

finals are coming soon.

gotta do my best in this final exam!

By God's grace, I CAN DO IT! *fired-up!*

hope I can go back home.

I.Miss.Home.

If the heart is not a bone, what makes it break?

There are songs that can really make you sad and cry when you hear them.

But it's actually not the song that makes you cry,

it's the people behind the memories.

The greatest gift you can give to a special someone 

is your TIME.

Its like you're giving the portion of your life

 that you can never bring back.

Good-bye is the hardest thing to say,

 because you walk away with only memories; 

and memories, 

well...

they fade away.

every time I put my mask on,

telling myself that I'm okay,

I'm strong,

who am I?

AH YAO WORRRR!

NI YI WEI AHHH!!

DON'T PLAY PLAY AHHH!

but behind that mask,

covers the dark side of me.

The pain, emotions, depressions,

you name it.

There are time, 

i feel like i am facing this world alone...

with nothing but tears, 

and stupid fake smiles.

有一种痛处看不见泪水。

有一种防卫叫做，“我无所谓”。