dig deeper.

I've realized,

the more I sing,

the more I'm afraid to open up my heart to sing,

the more I've no courage to express what I want to.

I realized after so long,

that it's a tiring thing singing by using your heart.

you have to dig out everything that you've buried in the grave.

the songs that impacted you the most, make you cry while you're listening to it,

lifts you up when you're down, and much much more.

what I'm talking here may not make sense to any of you,

but any of you who discerns, discerns.

I gotta admit,

I may have what's on the outside.

people might say the same "general" thing to me.
"you sang real well!"
thanks for those of you who says this out of good intentions.

I don't mean to be un-appreciative when this words are spoken to me,

but let's be honest with ourselves.

I'm not really THAT good, right? *saying this out of a learning-heart*

I have weaknesses too!
I have parts of me that I need to develop more and more too!
what I lack, is what's inside.

it's like a robot that has every function working well on the outside, perfecto!
but yet, it has no soul, it has no mind of itself, it has no feelings of itself.
I've been molded by the ways of society on ways to think and ways to do it.

all the while I've been so caught-up on how to do well on the outside,

where at the end of the day,

none of that really matters.

I don't say that doing what's on the outside don't matter at all,

like improving ourselves, proper basic presentable-self etc etc etc.

but I'm saying that what's inside is the most important thing.

well,

in the end,

people are going to remember you on how you impacted their lives in just a few minutes,

people are going to remember you on how you connected your world with them in just an instant,

and get them go listening to your every word, seeing you inside out.

people are waiting for you

to sing into the deepest part of their heart.

that "secret chamber" of their heart

where they sealed it away from anyone, even from themselves for a long long time,

to make them cry,

to take them out of misery,

to make them be joyful again,

or even just to "sit alone at the park" with them, just for the sake of company.

Lord, give me the desire, courage, and grace of using my heart to sing again by what I feel,

where I can use this "weapon" I have to touch people's heart again.

every. single. word. of. it.