come on! is that all you got?!

Dear Mr. D,

                You're just trying to be mean to me, giving me all this shit, trying to give me loads of hard time eh? Just because I got favor from God and men, you're trying to stand in my way and break me into pieces? Yeah, I almost fell for it, but I'm sorry to let you know this. All of this bad things that you threw to me just tend to make me stronger and stronger. Each and every attempt that you made to break me apart, are just making the desire deep inside me grow towards God more and more every time. I know that God is always backing me up in my hard times. Not only that, the desire of my dream to make my own mark on the sky gets even stronger now. So thank you, for making it much more possible for me in times of impossibilities. It only shows how possible it is for me to really achieve it. You want a revelation for that? Impossible = Im possible, cause with God, everything is possible. I know all your schemes and dirty works. My advice to you is, stop wasting your time doing what you're doing now. Not only to me, but to all the people's lives that you're trying to destroy. I do not need to justify any single thing to you since I'm not saying all of this out of pride. You're seeing a history maker over here and I'll make sure that you got served and take your sorry butt back to the pits of hell.

                                                                                                                                            From: Me

等着瞧吧！

一開始他不聽你，

然後他取笑你，

然後他抗拒你，

結果。。你贏。

roller-coaster ride

up and down and up and down and up and down~

redo IR individual presentation outline, last minute paperwork.

last minute this, last minute that.

why is everything soooooo last minute in production field?

end up what have planned didn't go as expected.

end up, my own plan seem to fail.

*sigh*

not that I didn't plan my time for it.

I did.

but, others won't understand, no matter how much words are said.

no one.

many things are going on lately.

internal struggle.

damn you, devil!

yeah, I'm sure you'll be laughing now.

but let me tell you, I won't give in! and I won't give up!

watch how I'll get through this, for the Lord is with me!

by then, I'll see who has the last laugh.

anyways, cut the crap short.

helping a friend of mine on making a song.

thinking of a melody of it.

Lord, I need Your infinite wisdom and heavenly melody to flow in me.

let it flow in my thoughts and in my heart so that I may be able to create a melody that uplift people's lives.

let this be an opportunity, that came from You.

陈升说，

“我不再让你孤单，我的风箱你的单纯。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。

我不再让你孤单，我的疯狂你的天真。

我不再让你孤单，一起走到地老天荒。”

how I wish.

how I wish, if I could just choose to be selfish.
how I wish, if I could just don't care.
how I wish, if I could just don't even consider about it.
let them pick up their own craps that they left down in their works.
yeah, every lecturers/tutors wants us to work as a team.
but what if there's a parasite in the team?

1. they don't do their part.
2. they did their part but they didn't put any effort in it.
3. finally other people need to pick up their crap that they've done.

I just keep reminding myself.
"don't keep dwelling on the problem/situation. focus on finding the solution to that problem."
what do we end up getting every time during our submission?
results= CRAP!
it's not the person who didn't do their part was the one who get scold,
it's the whole group instead.
after that, for those who didn't do their part won't even realize what adjustments they needed to do.
even if others advised them, they won't give a damn about it.

how are we gonna reach a "good teamwork" level then?
will the lecturers/tutors understand?
no, they just have "result" in mind since every one of them are so "results-orientated".
if we tell them of our problems,
what they'll answer: "that's your problem, you solve it out by yourself among your group."
will they care? think again.

I did more than what I'm capable of, and I end up getting all these craps by myself.
all the sacrifices I made for the contribution of our teamwork ends up getting nothing.

1 month left.
approximately 1 month left, for the 2nd trip there.
the epic thing is, I didn't make any preparations for it.
thanks to all the bloody shit crap that I need to handle of. yay! great! *sarcasm*
I made myself look like a blood-thirsty zombie just wanna get my life out of this insanity.
I felt so useless and hopeless.
when I put my all, it all doesn't seem to be working.

I just wanna find a space, for me to shout, and cry.

game difficulty mode: extreme.

nobody says it's going to be easy.

nobody says, that competing and studying at the same time's gonna be easy.

you've done it before, right?

but it's just different now.

it's not like the previous ones I've joined before.

more of all, it's not a small one but it's a WORLDWIDE competition.

and I'm stuck in the middle of "studies" and "competition".

"studies" are just givin' me a lotta heartache and headache sometimes.

okay, not just sometimes, but all of the time.

last minute updates, last minute changes, last minute works,

last minute this, last minute that, blah blah blah~

end up I need to change everything into Last Minute Mode.

I gotta keep on "picking up other people's shit stuff" on their works too.

it's not that I didn't manage my time well.

it's just that a lot of times I need to follow other people's time due to what they wish for.

if I don't accommodate myself to their timeline,

by all means I'll get a lot of complaints of my "un-commitment-ness".

this is one of the reason why I dislike GROUPWORKS.

that's why I end up can't proceed with my own progression.

please do me a favor,

don't judge my actions if you do not know the reason behind it.

in times, I get tired, VERY tired.

but do you think that others will care?

别人只会在乎你飞得多高，但从来没有在乎过你飞得有多累.
after what I heard from JC's sharing in this afternoon's class,
it gives me a reminder of what I wanna be, in life.
I'm not aiming just to be a singer.
I'm aiming for more than that.
and I won't give up!

learning heart.

I know you told me to rest at home.
I'm quite stubborn in a way.
although I know I get sick since 2 days ago,
and my voice is totally not in 100% condition.
in other words, my condition doesn't really allow me to go for performances.
but I still wanna choose to perform.
why?
simple.
I just wanna practice myself.
to use every single opportunity on stage as a practice for me,
in order to achieve something greater on bigger stages.
nothing comes easy.
even the sickness.
it gave me a hard time.
but I believed I will overcome it.
and so I take that step of faith to go along and perform at Bentong.
once I reach Bentong this evening,
gosh, it gave me a lot of memories flashbacks.
thought back of joining singing competitions at LD few years back.
those feelings are so familiar, yet so close to me.
and those contestants that's competing there,
well, I've been through what they went through just now. haha!
and for such place, fresh talents.
they're good. seriously.
I have some stuff that I should learn from them as well.
you know la, being a champ doesn't mean I really OWN,
it just simply means I have another great journey of experience to go through ahead of me.
I'm still learning, always, with that heart, in the things I love to do.
thanks to my stubbornness to go to perform with a BAD condition today, I finally 破音 on the last part of my last song.
but am glad the audience liked it. haha!

lessons learnt: go on stage with a 100% condition.

I got that.
and I wont stop learning and taking chances.
I know eventually, things will become better and better for me.

no more next time.

went to perform at Summit Hotel @ USJ today.
today is the Sense & Style graduation ceremony.
didn't really take pictures of the ceremony.
nothing special about it.
didn't perform well today.
didn't really get my mood into it.
Idk why, what I've prepared end up become a total waste.
my whole performance song list suddenly got change last minute.
it's just few hours before the performance itself.
I suppose to perform well on those songs.
ran off a few pitches which is one of my so-called "pantang larang".
end up didn't get a good feedback by Jaye.
in other words, I SUCK!
okay, that's just my own description towards myself.
maybe I'm just a little too harsh on myself,
but Idk, I just don't feel good after my performance.
no, those things shouldn't happen.
and I'll work hard!
I wont let it happen again!
no more next time!