灵魂咖啡馆

今晚看了一个小品，

[灵魂咖啡馆]

说着几个来自不同背景的人，

都背带着不一样的梦想。

非常有趣！

搞笑同时具有深深含义的一部小品

也之后让我沉思,

这一年

这么难过的一年

都过了

那

[ 梦想 ]

真的。。还在吗？

after-rain night

在那夕阳下，

I'll be waiting for you.

I know this might sound stupid and foolish,

maybe you don't hear it

but,

I'm waiting for you.

yes, you.

Paperman

if only every love story is like Paperman's,

how cool it would be...

however, fantasy vs. reality.

it'll never happen, not even once!

there are times where I really think whether or not should I say it out...

once things are said out, there's no turning back...

and we might need to face any possible outcome out of it...

when it's related to BGR...

well, we need to think of the worst-case scenario first...

the person would highly likely reject you

(as if it's your first time been rejected, like duh)

why do I even have to mind this?

don't mind me babbling about bullshit.

having affection on someone is really a pain in the ass.

giving ourselves so many unnecessary emotions to take care of.

ARGH! WHY!!!!

how I wish I have no emotions at all,

won't have affection on anyone at all...

most importantly...

won't.....get hurt anymore...

Falling in love with someone really does make a lotta emotional roller-coaster ride ARGH!
!@#!@#!#($%($%*#

going hardcore.

slept in at around 2am plus in the midnight before the day,

then it goes with classes from 8am-6pm.

where at the same day,

you had your redo-presentation and also your midterm to sit for,

then you go to church to serve for the E2 Expo for Youth Camp.

after that you go back home,

lo and behold,

it is already 11:30pm.

okay, I gotta be honest.

I went through full-time mental-energy breakdown

for the whole day.

I don't even know what I'm doing during my midterm

what more in my redo-presentation in the evening

and another thing about serving at church at night for the Youth Camp,

that's even more of a challenge.

by bringing that break-down mental condition

it's just like going to a battlefield unprepared

you'll be dead anytime

(I gotta say that I look a lot more deadlier for the whole day, literally speaking)

learned quite a lot of things today despite bringing a horrible condition the whole day

even during an 8am class where a revelation just being revealed

just by saying that "law creates fear"
which is actually true

because the thing is

when law creates fear,

grace gives freedom

during serving at Youth Camp this evening,

it's quite the challenge of trying to minister to them by bringing that horrible mental condition

I even had a hard time trying to hold my thoughts together

and communicate with them in the best way possible

but it seems that things work out the opposite way round

told myself to go on,

then ministered to a lot of youth

people don't really get to experience the ecstatic experience right away

but I choose to not give in to the thought of

"ohhhhh, there must be something wrong somewhere"
or
"ohhhhh it must be because you're not focusing and not praying properly that's why they don't get to experience it"
or even
"hah, you're not even doing your job well! see, see, they didn't felt this/that/etc."

I believe that, despite my condition,

God can use the broken language that I spoke to speak deeper to the hearts of the youths.

so please Yao,

don't condemn yourself.

you are totally fine

you just need some rest, that's all :)

still, feel like wanting to go to somewhere wide

somewhere like the beach

and just shout until my lungs come out

I. Need. Remedy.

好想对你说。。。。

"我喜歡你　在我腦海裡　

徘徊很久很久　卻從未離開過　

好想要你走出夢　一起生活"

但很多时候,喜欢一个人却这么难说出口

害怕被拒绝?

从来不害怕被拒绝

并不是带着一个要求回报的心态

爱一个人，

从来都不会要求回报

只是心里带着一种害怕

被冷落总比被拒绝更恐怖

被冷落了,就收敛了

之后自己不敢说出来心里的感受

我想,

这应该是无数次被冷落后的恐惧

害怕一旦说了，

之后就会变得更寂寞.

喜欢的话,

真的就可以这么简单的跟对方说吗？

咪咪眼 :)

 这是我认识已久的小姐，同届diploma的初学期就在合唱团里认识了她。

虽然过了不久我就离开了合唱团，之后也知道她信主了！

她的生日，当天没得跟她一起庆祝，但之后还是约了她吃个饭当作是对她的补偿。

看见她开心就好。 :)

跟了她如今合唱团里的成员一起K歌！

认识了一些新的小朋友们！

她们还蛮爱玩的说！

希望能够再跟你们一大班一起去唱歌吧！ :)

咪咪眼公主，生日快乐！

愿主能够给你一切的快乐，恩典，勇气，与力量来度过你即将渡过的挑战。

也愿大家能够在你身上看见主的爱来影响你周围的人。

到达梦想真不易，但相信主的恩典能够带领你度过这一切，

因为我们有个力量无敌的天父！ :)

你也不会孤独一个人走过这条路，因为你有个[大家庭]！

主爱你多多，我们也爱你多多。 :)

久久一次

经过一阵子，终于又update这里了！

TARUC终于更新了他们的programme，现在已经有degree读了！

还没去报名，但会尽快去！

这几个月正在久等的东西也可以买到了！

那就是我的宝贝钢琴！

只是个初学者的钢琴，但有的用而耐用就行了。 :)

玩得正开心！哈哈！

上几天也去了TARUC的红砖音乐会当了神秘嘉宾！（也不见得多神秘啦！哈哈！）

很久没回到学院（如今已经是大学了）去表演了。

之前也因为朋友叫我去那里表演，不然也没去那里了。

去了那里真值得！

在那里遇见了[一万零一]，陈威尔，和汤小康！

他们都蛮friendly的！虽然与他们的话题不多，也不小的要跟他们说些什么，

但认识到他们就很开心！

小康哥的人很好，认识他之前都知道他也是同道中人，也是信主的兄弟。

他人也有爱闹的时候，野蛮好玩的嘛。 :)

表演好下了台过后小康哥还跟我说唱的很好，鼓励我称赞我的话。

非常开心因为有他说的那些鼓励称赞的话。

动力也增加了！嘻嘻！ :)

他们所分享的想法与经验还蛮有趣的！

也因为他们的分享也让我清楚知道，原来我在创作上所面对的东西都是正常的。

这样也欣慰了一些。

除了见到几位本地艺人，也遇到了很多好久没见的朋友。

也跟他们聊一聊，跟他们catch-up个人的状况。

 小康哥，真开心能够认识你！你所给我的鼓励称赞对我意义很大！听你唱了 [I believe in You] 这首诗歌虽然不是第一次，但依然还是那么地感动！相信主看见这也笑得很开心！ :) 希望有缘再见！也希望你能变成一个活的见证，让大家在你身上能够看见主的荣耀！一切荣耀归主！ 

这位小甜甜hyper-active女郎是认识了三年的朋友Vivian，人还是这么的活泼开朗。总是笑得这么甜美！天啊！糖尿病都来了咯！好久没见面了，也聊了一下！很开心能够再见到你！知道你最近也跟了一场比赛，祝你比赛成功也希望你读书也能够顺顺利利啊！这可不容易但我相信你可以的！加油！ :)

gone.

today just felt like shit day.
who am I kidding?
why bother making such big lies just to prove to others that you have friends
when you actually don't have any?
I thought I have friends?
NOT when I needed one.
once alone, always alone.
do I have any choice?
NO!
do I seem like I have a choice?
NO!
do I seem to be a person who always likes to be alone?
if so, then you got it wrong.
I'd always hope to have real friends, always.

but,

once alone, forever alone.

hate this!

dig deeper.

I've realized,

the more I sing,

the more I'm afraid to open up my heart to sing,

the more I've no courage to express what I want to.

I realized after so long,

that it's a tiring thing singing by using your heart.

you have to dig out everything that you've buried in the grave.

the songs that impacted you the most, make you cry while you're listening to it,

lifts you up when you're down, and much much more.

what I'm talking here may not make sense to any of you,

but any of you who discerns, discerns.

I gotta admit,

I may have what's on the outside.

people might say the same "general" thing to me.
"you sang real well!"
thanks for those of you who says this out of good intentions.

I don't mean to be un-appreciative when this words are spoken to me,

but let's be honest with ourselves.

I'm not really THAT good, right? *saying this out of a learning-heart*

I have weaknesses too!
I have parts of me that I need to develop more and more too!
what I lack, is what's inside.

it's like a robot that has every function working well on the outside, perfecto!
but yet, it has no soul, it has no mind of itself, it has no feelings of itself.
I've been molded by the ways of society on ways to think and ways to do it.

all the while I've been so caught-up on how to do well on the outside,

where at the end of the day,

none of that really matters.

I don't say that doing what's on the outside don't matter at all,

like improving ourselves, proper basic presentable-self etc etc etc.

but I'm saying that what's inside is the most important thing.

well,

in the end,

people are going to remember you on how you impacted their lives in just a few minutes,

people are going to remember you on how you connected your world with them in just an instant,

and get them go listening to your every word, seeing you inside out.

people are waiting for you

to sing into the deepest part of their heart.

that "secret chamber" of their heart

where they sealed it away from anyone, even from themselves for a long long time,

to make them cry,

to take them out of misery,

to make them be joyful again,

or even just to "sit alone at the park" with them, just for the sake of company.

Lord, give me the desire, courage, and grace of using my heart to sing again by what I feel,

where I can use this "weapon" I have to touch people's heart again.

every. single. word. of. it.

到最后，还是独自流浪。

独来独往虽然变成了一个习惯，但还是会很害怕一个人。
当想要跟大队聚在一起的时候，总会觉得有“不希望你在这儿”的感觉。
幻想？
错觉？
胡思乱想？
或许吧。。。

如果说，在这世上，我只需要上帝而不需要任何一个人，就足够了。
那我只不过是在欺骗自己。
我也需要有伴的时候，
我也需要有朋友的时候，
我也需要有亲人的时候，

就像个流浪者，也需要有个能够给他/她心理安慰的地方。

一个拥抱，可以代替言语所形容不出的话。
对啊！同时也蛮可悲的说！
可悲的是当你是个只会鼓励别人的人，
但心里也需要那么一点点的鼓励与支持，
那一个“真实”的拥抱。

这阵子面对很多心理的情绪，
跟原有的经纪公司提出解约的事件了。
之后剩下的只有黑白上的正式解放。
参加了一个中国其中一个知名度很高的比赛，［快乐男声］。
没晋级。
有点小难过。
心里在想，是不是身材肥胖就没得晋级？
还是唱歌时没打动到人？
但我不希望这一切疑问会影响我原有当时在那舞台上唱歌的心态。
久违的舞台，终于有的上台唱歌了。
当时的情绪虽然小紧张，但心情是很快乐的。
宁可开心地上台唱，好过苦苦地下台。
可惜，那机会只有那么的一点点时间而已。
原本还以为可以有更多时间在舞台上唱。
之后电话也没有一通过来，就有心理准备面临比赛残酷的事实。
从朋友身上听到说他晋级了，当时是替他开心的！
也希望之后他能够走的长远点。
至少，在我的那一份上。　＊正安慰自己＊

小情绪，之后会好的。
之后还会再站起来奋斗的。
从不放弃，也从没放弃过。
BELIEVE.

black black night.

5/5/2013- Malaysia's "The Dark Age"?

the moment where people's mouth are silenced with unexpected results,

the moment where people's cries for this nation is getting intense,

the moment where riots are happening everywhere,

the moment...

where all hope seems to be lost,

where darkness takes over the whole atmosphere,

let me tell you this, fellow brethren.

God has put us in this place, in such time like this,

to BE A NATION OF CHANGE.

but let me tell you this,

change doesn't mean that it's an instant thing,

but don't lose hope just because changes didn't happen as what you expected.

moreover, keep that burning spirit within you.

cause you know what?

darkness ain't eternal, it's just the absence of light.

and where there is great darkness, there is greater light.

want a change? BE THE CHANGE.

a special labor day.

it's been 3 years, since we get to know each other from diploma days.

and how we build this friendship together.

although there are times when things heated up

in order to build a firm ground for this friendship,

where there are times we stood on different sides,

or even arguments, disagreements, and misunderstandings take in the way,

but I'm glad that doesn't last too long.

instead, we look towards each other in the heart rather than looking outwardly.

knowing that how the heart of a person towards another matters

more than how they react towards another.

I'm glad to be a part of your life,

and I hope that's a good one.

cause you know what?

you are to me. :)

ever since the first time I saw you crying,

the only thing I felt in heart to express to you is,

"you are not alone"

yeah, the times when you feel that you're alone

no matter is it to "friends" who doesn't really care of you

or the ones who just treated your birthday just simply as "LABOR DAY",

*wipe your tears away*

"hey, you're one of us. I'm here for you."

remember these words?

now you won't be alone anymore.

as for your birthday,

it should be a special "labor day",

not the ordinary one.

Happy Birthday, Vi.

you know I sayang you very much as a Sotsot Family.

much love and much grace for you!

bless you abundantly!

<3

man on the street.

imagine yourself walking on a dark street with only a street light on.
can't see anything else but the chair and light that shines below the light pose.
everything around is surrounded by darkness.
not a thing can be seen, not a presence can be felt.
then I take a rest, and sit at the chair.
I was just waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting,
......
......
...... what am I exactly waiting for?

that Still Small Voice, deep inside,
to make a sound, to say something,
to tell me that I'm not alone in this dark alley,
to comfort me that I won't get swallowed by this dark place,
to assure me that I'm going to go through this.

wait, hold on! I should be walking on the dark street hosting His presence,
and bring light to that place.

it needs more of your faith, more of your heart, more of yourself.
but it's a CHOICE to make.
either you're in, you're out, or you'll get run over.

I need more of Your grace to bring change to happen.
the thing is, without Your grace, everything I do will be useless.