tougher, stronger, harder challenges to come.

never been updating my blog for a period of time.
there's too many stuff going on for this past 1 month plus.
okay, recall session.

last month, I unexpectedly won a NATIONWIDE singing competition which makes me go OMG.
I didn't know how did I actually did it.
I just know on that moment I seek for something more than the winning.
putting God's Kingdom first and treat Him as the audience of One.
(Matthew 6:33 is A-WE-SOME man!!!!! :D)
an international stage that popular artists step on yet I don't feel the tension whatsoever.
instead, I feel honored and it's my privilege to actually able to make it until this stage in my life.
I can't do it by my own strength and I acknowledged that.
at first, didn't know I got chosen out of the blue from 翻身赛 and end up winning it.
not that I'm bragging or something, instead I'm deep full of thankfulness in me.
thanks for everyone who's been there, or not been there, or wanting to watch it on tv(some people did say so, and I'm like lol.) to support me,
and for people who prayed for me, THANK YOU.
God brings me out of the ashes and rise up again.
thank You, Daddy J! :) <3

after the competition, I'm packed with 6 performance this months.
3 of it is from my church and the other 3 are also BIG ones.
many many songs to memorize and to get ready with.
plus exam's coming REAL SOON and I haven't even started my revision. ><
it's gonna be a fun-filled-adventurous month.
though it's quite a tough month, but I choose to look in the unseen realm and also with a positive mindset.
I can do anything through Christ who strengthen me. :)
YES and AMEN!

Rise up from ashes.

Didn't update for a period of time now.

quite hectic with studies, and now, the competition that I'm in.

It's a lifetime experience where I get to experience God's grace not only in other parts of my life,

but also in my singing career, God cares. :)

I joined this competition with the worst sickness condition I've ever had.

I just go on and sing with that worst condition I have with me on that moment.

Surprisingly I got favors from all of the judges. :)

that goes on for the 2nd audition and then the semi-finals.

there's so many great singers from different places over Malaysia competing in the semi's.

I thought my journey in that competition had ended up in the semi-finals.

never would I know that they're gonna do a Survival Round for the 11th-20th placing.

and the thing is, I'm one of the contestants in their list for the Survival Round.

before this, I was still hesitating whether to go for it or not.

cause there will be tons of busy times with roadshow performances+press conferences+charity events etc.

but when I think it right back,

it's a chance that the Lord gives me.

all I have to do is just to go and grab the chance.

yet, I did that decision to go for it.

despite of all of the technical breakdown in my performance for 3 times,

I wouldn't know that I got chosen to the Grand Finals. OMG!

I've been through a lot of ups and downs in this competition.

trying to look back on what I've been through all the while.

it's been a tough journey, but I manage to rise up from ashes.

"As long as it doesn't kill, it makes you stronger."

Thank You, Lord, for making me a fighter.

anticipating more and more of You, including the Grand Finals itself.

Your name be glorified!

one "G" in the whole big box.

Thank You, Father. 

For everything I've gone through and yet to face in life, 

that You're always with me.

Lead me and guide me in every single aspects of my life.

I want every single second of my walk with You,

the greatest moments of my life.

For You're always the same,

while changing me to never becoming the same again.

You are always faithful even when in times I'm not.

You're always forgiving when I've done wrong.

You're always there to give me a hand when I'm down.

Your love makes me feel whole when I'm empty.

Thank You, 

for entering into my life,

for showing me Your love,

for Your amazing grace and favor,

for this amazing relationship I have with You,

is something that can never be compared to,

and nothing can ever take away this relationship we have.

There is nothing that can ever separate us.

happy birthday, longtimenosee.

yeah, it's been some time.
we never meet each other again after THAT day, nor do we even contact each other.
everything has changed since then.
we're not like what we used to be anymore.
cause it's already the past, something that we wont be able to turn around anymore.
yes, you may see that I may let it go easily because I'm a guy.
and eventually everything will end up becomes the guy's fault.
sad right?
you're not me, of course you wouldn't know.


you wouldn't know, 
when you loved someone so much, how much courage do you have to put into your heart, just to say those few words of cruelty to them.
you wouldn't know,
how much pressure that you have to bare in your heart, when you face not only a group of people who keeps on doing psycho attacks on you.
you wouldn't know,
how is it to cry without tears in your eyes while all you can do is just to see how your love one suffer when all the tears are like rivers deep inside you.
you wouldn't know,
how broken your heart was, when you say something that broke theirs.
you wouldn't know,
sometimes you hold so tight it slips right through your hands.


we gave it all, to watch it fall, like we've never meant at all.
I give and give the best of me, but couldn't give you what you need.
I chose to be the so-called bad guy.
to say those cruel words to you.
not because of my own selfishness.
for sure because I love you.


it's all over now.
though I know that both of you may hate me for life.
I just hope that I can be, the only person you'll realize that came to your picture that's daring to be honest to both of you in your lives.


I hope you and your daughter are doing fine.
thanks to both of you,
who came up in my life,
and build up colors in it,
for all the things that both of you had done for me,
my never-ending appreciations to both of you.
wish you two all the best in life.
I know both of you can do it without me.
I'll do my best too, to live a good life, without both of you.


happy birthday to you, auntie.

happyyetsad.

it's been quite a while since I update some stuff here.

Asia Ablaze was awesome few days back.

I had that sense of urge in my heart that I want to go for it.

yet, it was the best time of all.

every time when I'm exhausted in either way, God has His way of telling me,

"My son, come to Me, come and REST."

"Father, I'm not happy. I never experience true joy before. can you gimme true joy of laughter?"

"draw yourself to Me, as I'll draw Myself to you. come to Me."

and eventually end up I've been laughing and crying at the same time like nobody's business.

It can't be explained through our own logical thinking, it is something more than that.

something, that brings a deep impact right into the roots of your heart.

something, that can't be taken away once it's given to you.

something, that will last a lifetime when it enters your heart.

I'm glad, and thankful, for experiencing the divine laughter that God gives me. PTL! :)

1 smile from deep in the heart, can bring a deep impact to millions out there.

DBC2's Screening Day has also come to an end.

everybody's going to see our first-time production.

though it may not be as good as expected.

but yeah, behind the scenes, are the people that has their sleepless nights, doing their very best to make the production a success.

doing their very best to make every scene has a successful "CUT!"

doing their best to make everything count!

credits to my crew, and I believe everyone had a hard time during the production period.

but still,we should enjoy every single process of it.

to treat each other as a big family of BC students, just like how it used to be.

WE should stand up as 1 big family of BC not to show that we're Being Cocky, but to show to the world that we're Being Capable!

and there goes the screening for today.

feel happy that we've gone through all of this, yet I feel sad at the same time cause everything has come to an end.

I hope that the happiness remains, and yet motivates us to achieve more than what we got.

finals are coming soon.

gotta do my best in this final exam!

By God's grace, I CAN DO IT! *fired-up!*

hope I can go back home.

I.Miss.Home.

If the heart is not a bone, what makes it break?

There are songs that can really make you sad and cry when you hear them.

But it's actually not the song that makes you cry,

it's the people behind the memories.

The greatest gift you can give to a special someone 

is your TIME.

Its like you're giving the portion of your life

 that you can never bring back.

Good-bye is the hardest thing to say,

 because you walk away with only memories; 

and memories, 

well...

they fade away.

every time I put my mask on,

telling myself that I'm okay,

I'm strong,

who am I?

AH YAO WORRRR!

NI YI WEI AHHH!!

DON'T PLAY PLAY AHHH!

but behind that mask,

covers the dark side of me.

The pain, emotions, depressions,

you name it.

There are time, 

i feel like i am facing this world alone...

with nothing but tears, 

and stupid fake smiles.

有一种痛处看不见泪水。

有一种防卫叫做，“我无所谓”。

Can you hear me calling you?

I see a strange face in the mirror
A faded look in the eyes
Smiling is only a twisted movement of the lips
Who can understand my loneliness deep inside?

Like a boat rocking in the sea
Even the North Star cannot be seen
Who can set sails and forever leave this dark lake?


Sometimes, I think nobody can truly understand
All the pain I harboured inside
Fearful of using a sincere heart to face the world
Instead I have become more and more silent

A person floating in the sea
The person who is talking cannot be seen
Who can give me a warm embrace?
When I feel my heart's beginning to break


Please tell a tired and lonely me,
That you will always be waiting for me.

The moments

it's already 320am yet I haven't sleep.
just came back from BBQ with a big group of people today.
we also have Mr. Julius with us.
and guess what? he plays guitar too. cool! :D
something in common.
we hangout together, sing together, laugh together, get crazy together.
it's quite fun though.
it's a day where everyone gets to hangout in a group after a stressful period of time.
everybody's having a good time relaxing and enjoying the party.
some went back early.
while the others stay up until the end of the BBQ party.
okay, that's all for the BBQ part.

something's on my mind for the whole night just now.
you know, I miss you again.
I have no idea why.
不能说的心声，只能想念你.

oh well, it's time for bed now.
quite "early" anyways.
340 in the morning.
gotta take some good rest.

Serenity

Now I only get to know,

how serenity feels like.

I've never had this kind of feeling before in my life.

It feels good, really really good.

How I wish,

that I'm stuck here,

where serenity remains forever.

A place where I can get away from all of the madness of the world,

a place which everything is simple, no complications whatsoever.

A place called, Serenity.

Yeah, I like it. :)

I hope you'll get much better from your sickness.

Hope to meet you soon.

Though I may not know when. :)

no strings attached

看来，让我停留在我自己的梦里吧。

什么都别说，我不想懂。

至少我还拥有美丽的梦。

终于明白，该放手。

I.Miss.You

finally, a day that I can actually take some rest.

quite busy for these few days so didn't have the time to update Mr. Bloggie here.

I have no idea what am I actually wanting to say so far.

when people gets exhausted, they tend to be silent.

and that's what I've been throughout this whole time.

Maybe that's also one of the reason why people been saying that I don't hangout with my classmates anymore.

I usually walk alone.

besides hangout with him, when he has events to handle, I've been alone all the time.

though he's random,

Days past by and it's been quite some time now.

Yes, I miss you, again.

Don't dare to bother you, it's because I'm afraid you'll think that I'm annoying.

Don't dare to find you so often, it's because maybe I'm not the person that you wanna talk to.

Blame myself for being so 自作多情.

Don't dare to say anything out, because...

because...

I have no idea how to tell you.

I'm afraid that I'll be disappointed in the end.

I guess, I'll just keep this to myself.

Simplicity

That night, where everyone comes together.
To gather at a place, on a simple table.
To have dinner together.
To hangout together.
To enjoy the simple yet fun and caring moments together.
Many foods were prepared and my tummy end up full-house already.
The chit-chats, dinner, singing, durian feast.
Thank you, you, you, you, and yes, YOU too!
Thanks a lot for the great dinner.
Thanks a lot for the great durian feast.
Thanks a lot for a great night. :)
Thinking back, how often do we have the chance to do this?
Nahhhh, why bother thinking of how.
Looking forward for more of this moments. ;)

我，只能想念你

The whole song, is a total </3 of the heart.

I heart this song.

When I first heard this song,

somehow having a connection with it.

Tells a lot of what I've been through before.

It makes a reminiscence out of myself.

Wanted to say the words out, end up didn't work.

The words just doesn't come out.

When I always get to see you, what I can say is,

I can only miss you, and nothing else.

Blame myself for not having the courage to tell you so.

Maybe there's a fear of having disappointments after I say it out.

It's impossible to say it.

Yes, I MISS YOU!

feelings that I didn't notice.

I can be tough, I can be strong.

But with you, it's not like that at all.

I miss you.
Yeah, I wish you were here.
but too bad, it didn't happen.
Somehow, things didn't go as expected today.
Did my best yet the outcome was in another way round.
Just finished a performance before this and then all of these things come at the right time.
So-not-a-good-time.
Everything goes on last minute, last minute, last minute.
I'm really a fail leader.

A brand new lesson

It's 7.40pm, not for long after I come back from Sg. Wang.

Had a brand new lesson for me throughout this competition.

Although it's just a small competition,

but yes, competitions no matter big or small ones,

molds us, to be even better, and stronger than before.

Thank you for those who given me advice that none other people that's given me before.

It's something that I've lost.

I will find it back!

somehow, didn't get a really good result today. lol.

main problem is the sound system that they adjust last minute.

but still, I take this thing positively cause I know that, I still have a long way to go.

It's not the right time for me.

For God knows when's the best time after all. ;)

Thinking about getting 3rd place, it also means that I still have lots more space to develop myself.

not trying to deceive myself about it, so it's actually a good thing for me. =)

Praise the Lord, for giving me this. =)

The only thing I feel sorry is for those who come and support me just now.

I guess you guys are quite disappointed about it, so sorry about it.

I'll do my best in the coming performances(who knows when).

By then, I'll mold myself, do my best to increase my own ability, to be much much stronger.

In the dark, yet only one light remains.

Didn't know that I'd still be up at this time.

I'm suppose to be on bed sleeping now.
Somehow I woke up,
not because I wanted to.
I ter-bangun myself.
and with a big headache on the back part of my head.
happen often for these few days.
I don't know why.
It's been a tough period of time.
Yet I'm doing my best in all times to keep holding on.
I'm not sure how long I can keep on like this.
Feels like I'm gonna drop real soon.
This coming week will be another tough time.
Last remaining assignments and mid terms coming at the same time.
Just the day after the competition is over.
It's gonna be a so-dead time for me.
But I believe and have faith that God is always with me.
The harder the things I face in life,
the more I rely on Him.
I need to find back, the things I've lost.
before the world eats me off.
Had a great talk with her this afternoon after lecture.
Didn't know it will be after so long we'd had this great conversation.
You know who you are. =)
Thanks for the chat though.
There are few more assignments+presentations+mid terms to go.
God's grace to be upon my life!
I proclaim His promise into my life!
and I shall see it come to past!

it's................gone

                                                    I can't be who you are.


I've tried forgetting all the hurts inside.
I've learned it so well.
ever since I'm small.
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself.


YES I CAN!


No, I can't.
true enough, sorry, I can't be who you are.



今天，她跟我说了一句。
让我突然的被敲醒了。
从来都没想过，一路以来都拿学业和功课来麻醉自己。
在没有我的留意之中，
其实，我失去了“他”。
I have to find back, something which I lost.
I have to find back, something which is gone.
I have to find back my energy, passion and self-confidence.
It's gonna be a self-journey here.


I don't know how.
I can't find it through other people.
You know why?
Here's the UGLY truth.

PEOPLE WILL FAIL.

给我一个理由忘记。。。

 雨都停了 這片天灰什麼呢

                                                            我還記得 你說我們要快樂

                                                            深夜裡的腳步聲 總是刺耳

                                                     害怕寂寞 就讓狂歡的城市陪我關燈

                                                   只是哪怕周圍再多人 感覺還是一個人

                                                          每當我笑了 心卻狠狠的哭著

看来，

这一段已经说出了我的心声。 *心碎*

看来，

当你要很彻底的忘记一个人时，

是需要一个很大的勇气来这么做。

First step, into a new land

Yeah,
for so long,
this is my first time,
to step into the world of blogging.
Already read a lot of other people's blogs.
to listen to their stories.


I suppose,
everyone should have their own stories as well,right?
That is why I'm starting mine here.
First-timer.
This is my first step,
to a whole new beginning,
of telling my own stories.
It's never too late to leave a mark in your life in something.
only if you DESIRE for a CHANGE.

"Living"

After so long, I've finally know the true meaning of "living" after I've stepped into a new land. 

A land which is far more bigger, 

a land which is far more advance, 

a land which has great competitions.

It's tough, suffering, and miserable. 

Where people has high expectations over you.

Especially when you always take the role as a leader.

Everyone will look up to you.

But eventually when the chips are down,

when people needed you,

counting at you,

putting their last hope on you,

you'll feel hopeless when you realize you can't do anything,

and end up everything got crushed in the end.

people's hope on you,

people's expectations on you,

people's trust on you.

Sorry, I'm not a good leader.

I'm just a normal person,

who's learning how to lead,

without anything in hand,

and without anything with me.

Sorry,my friends, my family, and even the ones I love.

I am Yao, Rockoutloud.