no more next time.

went to perform at Summit Hotel @ USJ today.
today is the Sense & Style graduation ceremony.
didn't really take pictures of the ceremony.
nothing special about it.
didn't perform well today.
didn't really get my mood into it.
Idk why, what I've prepared end up become a total waste.
my whole performance song list suddenly got change last minute.
it's just few hours before the performance itself.
I suppose to perform well on those songs.
ran off a few pitches which is one of my so-called "pantang larang".
end up didn't get a good feedback by Jaye.
in other words, I SUCK!
okay, that's just my own description towards myself.
maybe I'm just a little too harsh on myself,
but Idk, I just don't feel good after my performance.
no, those things shouldn't happen.
and I'll work hard!
I wont let it happen again!
no more next time!

expect the unexpected

there are many times in life where we expect that things should go the way we think it is,

including our daily plans, how things works etc etc.

but there's also another side of the story,

did anyone told you before to expect the "unexpected"?

I'm emphasizing this because either ways will happen in the unexpected way.

I went to the school office this afternoon to ask regarding the result of my application letter.

the office haven't finish the official part of the letter but somehow I've already gotten the result.

well guess what, my application is NOT approved.

after a month of waiting waiting and waiting.

finally there's an answer for all of this waiting.

what does this actually mean?

does this mean, I'm not able to go to Taiwan anymore?

by right, yes I'm not able to go there anymore since I'm not able to delay my last semester studies.

the worst thing right now is that deep inside my mind is struggling with what God has told me.

I had my Quiet Time with Him.

keep discussing with Him about Taiwan's stuff.

He bring me back to the remembrance of the moment where I get chosen in Popstar's 翻身赛.

that is exactly the same time where our 48-hour project was on.

He just keeps on revealing stuff to me.

I just have faith deep inside of me that He'll show me a way, no matter how hard things may seem to be.

and yes, now, my only choice if it's for me to continue going on for this,

is to study and compete at the same time.

"who are you kidding me?! this is an international big stuff! not like those usual competitions you've usually joined previously. you have to juggle between your studies and also the competition! which means you have to fly back and forth every week and rush those freaking assignments and home works! this requires more energy on either way from you, it's gonna be super tough."

yeah, this thing came to my thought at first.

I don't wanna be ignorant about it too, but acknowledge that these things will really happen if I really take that step.

yet, I've decided, to continue going for this.

I know that it's gonna be tough.

Jesus didn't tell us that things will become easy for those who've already believed in Him,

but He told us that He'll be with us always and His grace is far more sufficient for us.

since the beginning I've already acknowledge it,

and I really believe so and keep on having faith in Him.

I know that when He closes windows, 

He can open another loads of windows to us when we're in our desperate times.

my heart is at peace in any outcome that I've got.

and still, praise the Lord for every result that's done.

I'm gonna do my best!

I'm gonna prepare my field before the rain comes.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH! I WANT MORE, LORD!

if it's from You, Lord,

give me a sign,

give me that prompting,

I'm ready for tomorrow's outcome,

as my heart settles it with You.

treasure hunt on Wednesday night is already mind-blowing for me.

I went there with much expectance telling God that, "God, I believe You'll take care of my stuff if I take care of Yours."

Matthew 6:33 came in mind once I'm just typing this down now.

He's just so humorous in a way that He directly show me few clues of mine(though they're not the treasures)

but the first attempt is already humorous enough as He made me laugh on the spot.

that made me decided to stay at Jusco longer and keep on searching because I don't feel it's time to leave that place yet.

found a person who's in skinny jeans(which exactly is my clue) and his name appeared to be "Lim"(which is my friend's clue).

went forward and talked to that person, he's with his gf and happened to be his gf has this eyesight prob on her right eye.

we went on and pray a prayer of blessing over her. though nothing really happened literally, but deep inside I can sense that she just got touched by the Lord.

we also prayed a prayer of blessing to another couples, which the guy is quite awkward in the beginning

Praise the Lord. :)

just came back from Sectional Gathering not long ago on Thursday night.

we talked a lot on purpose alignment.

getting our purpose and mindset straight.

and personally, when you just asked me about the RM50k prize money whether do I get enough or not.

honestly, RM50k IS NOT ENOUGH.

after I think of it for a second, yes it's not enough.

I want more, Lord.

I'm not saying this out of greed or the love for money, but rather that I believe You're my providence in my crucial time of financial lack.

a lotta things seems to get into my way in this period of time.

even suddenly friendship gets into the line.

hometown friends might think that I've changed.

yes, I've sensed a lotta change in me for this 2 years plus.

everyone will, but to good or bad extent, that's something that they have to settle within themselves.

I miss all of them, no doubt about it.

didn't get to go back home for a long time.

it's not easy, you know?

how I have to face the spotlight or even the haters at the same time.

you're not in that position, and yes, before you judge me, see life ain't easy.

still, I bless you guys who's back at Sabah. hope you guys are doing well over there.

finally, gonna get the result at college office tomorrow.

this is the time, where all the decisions are made.

to approve, or not to approve.

Lord, let this be from You.

I surrender to You.

I speak Your peace upon myself. 

*shalom, shalom.*

热血在沸腾

我有个狂野的梦想。
那个梦想，并不是在小学里老师会问的问题。


“各位同学，你们有没有想过长大了要变成什么吗？”

小时候我们都会听到各种各样的答案。

但我总觉得我自己是在 “例外名单” 里，

因为都不知道自己要变成什么。

也只好骗老师，说我要变成像我的老爸一样，做个商业人。

一开始真的以为这个是我要的。

于是一直都在抱着这个理想往前走。

多年以后，

才发现自己渐渐失去了生活的方向感。

直到有一天我问了自己，

这个，是否真的是我想要的东西？

还是。。。我其实只在跟着爸爸的步骤？

那个我，

是个没自信的我，

而完全不知道自己的优点是什么。

总是觉得自己是个没出息的小子。

每天都在浪费生命。

面对了很多挫折，撞了很多的墙与板。

都已经到放弃的念头了。

有一天朋友鼓励我去唱歌时，

那时的我没勇气上台，面对不了自己那一关。

直到最后自己不顾一切地说，“就试下唱歌吧！”

那时候的我只觉得唱歌，是我小时候喜欢跟妈妈和姐妹一起做的东西。

喜欢在家里大大小小一起K歌。

而真的没想过，唱歌，却变成了我心里的释放。

不知不觉中，我却找到了心里的快乐。

音乐就是有一种很奇妙的魔力。
音乐真的能够带给人生很大的影响。

从今就想用音乐，来传达爱的信息。

这一路上支持我的家人与朋友，我会好好努力。

你们的每一份祈祷，爱心，与祝福，我都收到了。

非常感恩。

我会做好准备，创出那无限的可能，

创造出属于爱的狂想曲。

总有一天，能够有属于自己的一片天。

sudden curiosity

sometimes I just feel curious.

why does people avoid others that are so close to them?

I mean, when people gets up close and personal to you,

yet you tend to avoid in contact with that person.

well, if it's about heart issues, that involves the person's experience in the past or present(hurts, pain, sufferings etc etc etc),

which allows the person to avoid the one they're close with,

my only word is,

"I know you've been hurt by people, stuff, or circumstances before, and you might be afraid to open that fragile part of your heart again because of the pain and sufferings you've experienced. I totally understand those type of situation. but I'm choosing to be true to you when I can actually choose to lie and play tricks over you."

but still, I can't force any people about this, because we are human born with a free will of choice.

I'm just saying out mine.

it's either you choose to give yourself a chance and open up your heart or not.

but to a lot of you,

I just wanna let you know.

if you need someone who you can really trust or talk to,

or at least someone you can be TRUE to,

I'm not trying to promote myself here.

but I'm always here when you need me, okay?

don't be afraid to open up that fragile part of your heart.

what I know is, once you've open it.

you'll never know that you have a major breakthrough on it. :)

bless ya'll.

痛。

怎么心里，总是有这个感觉。
有时候都会再想，
我真的。。。有那么差吗？
差到没任何一个人都会看上的程度。
Forever Alone,难道来真的吗？
怎么有时，越想念一个人就会越心伤？
真爱也有它现实的一面。
不是谁情愿就能够解决！
只能够怪我自己，每次都是学不会！
学不会怎么去不要在乎。
学不会怎么去解释我的伤。
自己痛死都不愿说出来。
这，就是我。

truth hurts, but I accept honesty.

thank you, for being so honest to me.

I've already prepared for any outcome possible.

though the natural part of me seemed to feel the hurt,

but I'll be fine. I'm okay. :)
I'd rather hear the ugly truth than a beautiful lie.

it makes my heart so much in peace with myself.

what I can only is, to hope that you'll be happy always.

and yes, I deeply wish so. :)

doesn't matter whether I'm there or not.

I'm not that important.

haha!

but at least, everything's settled.

and I'm glad it did!

thank you, for everything, for your honesty. :)
I'll do my best, and be much more better and better.

and I'm looking forward that one day, you'll stand at your own dream stage,

and I'll be one of the small fans that's supporting you. :)

let's do our best together!

sleepless night

yup, this song says it all.
4 in the morning, yet I still haven't get into my dreams.
exam's over, I should be able to sleep well for now.
my mind feels tired, so does my voice after the karaoke session with Zhi Yun and Yong Xuan.
still, I have no idea.
I can't even sleep right now.
what's going on with me?
it's not that I don't wanna sleep.
but I just can't fall asleep.
somehow there's just a lotta things going on in my mind.
maybe it's because of the fact that I can't accept it's over.
yeah, before this I would really wish that exam quickly ends.
but now, how I wish that it won't end.
cause I won't be able to enjoy the great time in the exam hall with my fellow friends anymore.
which also means that, I won't be able to meet them again since it's sem break.

this is my first time doing such stuff for someone.
I mean, come on! a big guy like me making such stuff!
I just can't believe it!
yeah, everything I wanted to say is in that stuff I made.
yet, I don't expect for any response.
I just wanna express out my feelings, that's all. simple.
as long as BY is happy, BY am happy too. :)